If I Die Before I Wake
by savveth
Summary: When Edward decides Bella needs to live a normal life, he leaves her and moves to Accident, Maryland. Im horrible at summarys, so please dont judge the story off of the summary.


(( This is my first fanfic…ever. I love the books Twilight and New Moon, so I decided I would try to write a fanfic. The chapters will go between the perspectives of Edward and Lorraine. I'm basically going to let the plot play itself out and see what happens, I hope you enjoy it!

xxx. The Cullen Family, and the whole idea of these vampires, belongs to Stephanie Meyer .xxx ))

1. Keep Going

Edward sat quietly in the back seat of a small SUV minivan type vehicle. Ever since they passed the sign, 'You Are Now Leaving Forks', he had been mulling over his decision; his decision to leave Bella to live the normal life she deserved. As he thought of Bella, her face appeared in his mind, he cherished that moment, but only after seconds it started fading away. He had to make himself forget about her. He looked up to find Esme's warm, golden eyes staring at him in the rear view mirror. Only then did he realize how troubled his face must seem and he flashed her a quick smile. 'The poor dear, he must be heartbroken. I guess it was for the best though.' Esme's voice broke out in his mind. He glanced at her, then at Carlisle, who was driving. Esme was in the front passenger seat. Rosalie and Emmett took a different car, so did Alice and Jasper. Carlisle's jaw was clenched and a faint glimmer of sweat coated his face. He seemed distressed, as if he couldn't make up his mind. Edward didn't bother asking, or even reading his thoughts. Clearly, Carlisle was debating whether they should go back, or keep going. "Keep going…" Edward's voice was depressed. Suddenly he was on the verge of tears, but he didn't cry. No, he wouldn't cry. Couldn't. So he didn't. Everything in the van was silent. There was not a sound. Not the sound of breathing, not even a heart beat. Of course, Vampires had not a beating heart, nor did they breath. Edward hated the silence, it just made her voice even louder in his head. 'I love you Edward.' Of course, this wasn't him reading Bella's mind…no. He had never been able to penetrate her mind, to read her thoughts. It was unfair and torture to know that he couldn't read her thoughts whenever he pleased, to not be able to know what she was thinking. But maybe it was for the best that he didn't know what she truly thought. Edward laid down on the backseat, struggling to get comfortable. Finally he found a position in which he was comfortable. He closed his eyes, although he could not sleep. He could pretend, couldn't he?

"We have arrived…", Carlisle spoke in monotone. Edward opened his eyes just in time to see a sign that said, 'Accident 2 miles ahead'. He couldn't believe it, he was halfway across the country. But I guess this was for the best now, wasn't it? Bella could live a normal life now. "I won't let it happen again…" Edward whispered to himself. Esme turned around and looked at him. She was concerned for him, he could tell. "It will be okay Edward." Yah, sure. Edward looked away from Esme's loving eyes and stared blankly out the window. There were many houses passed and many turns taken before they finally arrived at 1025 Alabaster Road. "Well, it looks like this is it…" Carlisle spoke the first happy words since they even began the trip. His face brightened and he looked to Edward. "I think we'll like it here." A frown appeared on his face as he studied Edward's sad, blank face. "Don't worry Edward, everything will be fine." Carlisle said in a stern tone. They were starting anew. Carlisle pulled up the driveway. The mail box was a dusty black color and it was leaning to the left; as if it had been hit with a baseball bat one too many times. It had a dent in the right side of it and was rusting quite a good bit. The house was at least three stories high and it looked like it was abandoned. Of course, that is usually what Carlisle sought out, old abandoned houses. Carlisle and Esme already decided that they wouldn't fix it up more than they needed to. They didn't want to make themselves stand out…like they did in the sun. That's why they chose Accident. It was a tiny town of only 354 people; 174 of them youth, the rest over 18. Carlisle always chose small towns for some reason. Strange habit, most likely. And it was always cloudy. They got rain about twice a week, so the atmosphere would always be a bit foggy. Then he wouldn't attract attention when he went to school. School. Edward decided he wasn't going to go to school. He would not put himself, or another, in any position of danger.

Edward sat in the van while Carlisle and Esme stepped out. It was unbearably hot after only two minutes; he couldn't stay in here and sulk much longer. He opened the door slowly and quietly followed Carlisle and Esme into their new home. It didn't feel like home. His home was with Bella. 'Cease this nonsense! Stop thinking about her! You had to leave her for a reason and thinking of her will just make it worse!' Edward thought harshly to himself. His jaw was tight and if you watched closely, you could see a very faint twitch of his jaw. He was trying so hard not to think about her. But trying was not enough. He had to stop. It was relevant that he not think of her again. Edward decided to tune in on his parent's minds; it would at least get his mind off of Bella. There were only three voices going on in his head at the moment, with the occasional thought of a passerby. Edward picked Carlisle's voice and tuned in on it. 'Well, this is nice. I hope it doesn't remind Edward too much of Forks.' Carlisle eyed Edward cautiously as he finished the thought. His eyes were apologetic; almost as if he forgot for that moment that Edward could read his mind. Edward grinned weakly at Carlisle and spoke for the first time since they arrived at the house, "I'll be okay Carlisle…" Esme's face brightened up a little at Edward's words. "I'm sure we'll like it here." Her voice was very convincing. Car doors slammed dully outside of the house. "Oh look…" Esme exclaimed as she looked through the grimy window, "Alice, Rosalie, and the boys have arrived!" As soon as Esme ended her sentence they all were there standing in front of Edward. Alice and Rosalie smiled kindly at him. Alice had been torn about leaving Bella too. She was saddened even more when Carlisle banned her from seeing visions that had anything to do with Forks; which included Bella. Emmett and Jasper were up the stairs within a blink of an eye. They were claiming bedrooms, of course. Edward turned from his sisters and headed up the stairs. He didn't feel up to the whole pity party everyone was throwing for him. "Just keep going…"


End file.
